Refining...ouch!

Isn't it crazy how you ask God for something and then forget that you asked until it comes... I'm not talking about "God please give me a million dollars" kind of prayers, or even asking for "things" kind of prayers... but when we pray things like, "Lord, help me to grow up in this area" or "Help me change the way I think about that situation"...

When people say that God doesn't answer prayers, I think "Well, clearly they've never asked for patience!" Those are the kinds of prayers I'm talking about. Ones that slip out in a moment of spiritual clarity, usually prompted by the Holy Spirit, and we forget about them. Then things start happening, things that produce patience, or growth, or changes. And we start asking, "What is going on?! Why am I going through this? God where are you? Why are you pulling away?..."

I love that God isn't afraid to bring situations into our lives that could either drive us away or pull us toward Him. He's willing to let us stumble around for a while, or for a really long time, until we come to the point where we realize He's all we need -- again, for the millionth time. God loves to grow us, to change us to become more like Him, to nurture the fruit of the Spirit in us. He always answers the prayers that agree with what He's already got planned for us, for our benefit, and with His heart for us.

He loves us.

So the next time you find yourself there, in that place where you feel lost, alone, desperate, and you're asking, "What is going on?" Look back and see if there wasn't a prayer...a thought...a cry. When the situation's tough, and you ask God to grow you through it, know that the storm may rage a bit longer than you expected. But when you come out, you'll be as pure silver, refined by the great I AM for His name, and His renown!

Hmm...

Do you ever find yourself at a loss for words....It is very rare for me, but as I pray and think about what God has and wants from me, that's exactly where I find myself. Someone gave me a "word" the other day -- something she felt God wanted her to say to me. I love it when that happens! As she shared it with me my first response was an emotional one, but then I found myself asking, "Is this really for me? God what does this mean?" And it's been stirring in my spirit ever since. It's not that I don't believe it was for me or that I don't want to receive it, it's just that it remains unclear.

I love when God does that...we ask Him to speak to us and He does, but then we're even more in the dark as to what He means. And so I find myself seeking Him more. Asking Him more and for more. And if that is all that this "word" has brought about then it was worth it. But I'm unsettled in my heart and in my spirit. I am longing and discontent with where I find myself spiritually. And I am at a loss for words. No words to write. No words to sing. No words to pray. Just silence.

I guess that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes I think that is God's goal with us -- to get us to the place where all we can do is listen. All we can do is think about what He might want from us. All we can do is ask for more.

O God, do not keep silent; be not quiet, O God, be not still. Psalm 83:1

Yay Christmas!

I just love Christmas! I love the food, the presents, the family time...I love the smells of cinnamon and pine trees....I really do enjoy the hustle and bustle! But most of all, I love how this time of year reminds me of my Savior. How I can't think about Christmas without being overwhelmed by His grace and mercy...how I can't stop singing for months leading up to Christmas--this may be due to the fact that I've had so many songs to learn for our Christmas production at church that I haven't been able to think about not singing! I love the thought of God's love in human flesh, given just for me.

I can't begin to imagine a life without the sheer joy of Christmas, and all that it really means. I'm not talking about Santa and snow, but the true meaning of Christmas....if it was only trees and gifts, I don't think it would be so special and mean so much. There's something to be said for family time and gifts, but what would this wonderful holiday be without the Father's Sacrifice.

For one of the few times in my life I had the opportunity to share the gospel from a pulpit at our church's Christmas concert. It was the best feeling, sharing God's love and his redemption plan. It was one of those "this is what I was made for" moments, when I could feel God's pleasure over me; a true act of worship.

Here's the gist of it: redemption. Christ came to save us from captivity, defeat, death. Although we may not feel like "sinners", we are. And the only way to be cleansed from this sin is to make Christ Lord of our hearts. It's so simple really, but it's a long, hard, rewarding road!

"It is for freedom Christ has set us free!"

Breath of God

Grace is falling
Manna from heaven
Bread for life

Without it there is no living
Only pain
Never healing

Grace I need to live
Grace I need to breathe
Grace I need to know

Know You as I am fully known
Through and through
Uninhibited, naked, true

Pour down over me
Cover every part
Grace, I need you now

Still going...

Well, I just realized it's been over a month since I last wrote! Crazy how quickly time goes by. Our trip to Tanzania came and went, and it seems like I'm just now having time to breathe! The trip was good. We drove to and from Kenya (about 6 hours each way), built a swing set, held a youth conference, prayed for sick people in an "isolation ward" at the hospital, visited a family of Massai, and even had time for a safari! We packed so much into the nine days we spent there it was hard to process most of what I saw and experienced till I got home.

The trip, overall, was fun. It was good to see my friend Melissa again, and see what God has used her to do. She has such a mother-heart; the children at the orphanage cling to her! We actually got to spend the entire time we were in Tanzania with her. We laughed a lot and still managed to work pretty hard.

I learned so much about what living in a third-world country is like, and how God takes care of His children so well. It was amazing to hear testimony after testimony of His provision and grace. It seems as though in America we have little need for God to come through, even our poorest are richer than many of the people that I met. Yet God reminded me how desperately we still need Him, and how He desires to use the blessings He gives us to bless others.

This concept of giving and sharing was one of the biggest things God spoke to me while I was there. I realize how blessed I am...I've never really questioned it...but I saw how important it is for me to give as much as I can, whenever I can, however I can. It's so easy to get wrapped up in my little world that I forget about the big picture. It was a good wake-up call!

The other thing that He kept impressing on me was this idea of being uncomfortable. Even in our "fancy" hotel room, that most of the locals could never afford, I was worried about safety, germs, and everything else you worry about even in American hotels..."are the sheets really clean?" and so on. But not only there, pretty much everywhere we went there was some level of discomfort. I was uncomfortable physically most of the time to be sure, but also emotionally, spiritually, and even in my thoughts...It took everything within me not to cry most of the time simply because of the poverty and need that surrounded.

I know I'm not called to be a missionary. I was sure of this before I left and even more sure as I practically kissed the ground when we got back to the U.S. But God continued to remind me that even in my calling, and in the life He has given me, He never called me to be comfortable. It seems like a "duh" concept, but when you live comfortably, it's rare to question why you're the one who's blessed, or why you are so comfortable. God's desire is always to stretch us, to change us, to make us more like Him...I think that should rarely be comfortable. It doesn't even sound comfortable! I began to think about how I can be less comfortable in my every day life so that someone else might be a little more comfortable. Can I give up that extra pair of shoes, or that lunch out for the second time this week, so I can give a little more...so maybe a house full of street kids won't go hungry again this week or so an orphanage can pay its electricity bill...

It's not about me, or how much I can do...God will get the job done. It is, however, about whether or not I want Him to use me to do it.