So, I'm in the middle of a Bible study called Falling in Love with Jesus. The 3rd week in our study is all about surrender and abandoning everything for the Love of our lives. I also started reading a book called Radical by David Platt, which is basically about this exact thing. It just so happens I started reading the book the same week I managed week 3 in my Bible study... hmmm... coincidence?
My heart has always been for God's will in my life, no matter what. At the beginning of this week's study I was challenged to pray Ruth 1:16-17 “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” I must say I had a little trouble getting the words out. I've come to realize that it's not just something to say or "believe", but it's something to live.
Now I'm not saying that before this past week I didn't really mean that I wanted to live out God's will, but it's just hit me like a ton of bricks, that if He asked my life -- not just my physical life, but everything I hold dear, and He could! -- then I would have to give it. Not have to like someone's making me, but have to like because I love Him with everything. Nothing I have has come because of anything I've done, only because He's given it. But as I started to pray those words, "Where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay..." I broke, because I realized that my stuff really did have a hold on me. That's not who I want to be!
I want to live my life in a way that I can fulfill every call of God on my life. Yes, I want to enjoy His blessings and walk with joy and hope, but do I really need "stuff" to believe that He's a good God? Do I need "things" to believe that He wants to bless me? I have an amazing family and more love than I can possibly deserve, but what if He asked me for them? Would I question that He's worth it? I've decided that He is -- He's so worth it: everything, all of me, all my comforts and desires, hopes and dreams, loves and lovees. He's the only One I want to live my life for.
I've started reading through the Bible, and I'm shooting to read through it in the coming year. I've attempted this before and have never quite made it, but here I go again. I'm praying that through His Word, my life will be transformed and my mind renewed. I've already had some "aha" moments. I can't wait for more to come. I'm so blessed to be loved by such an amazing Papa. I hope you know that love too.