Wow! Five months go by so fast! I cannot believe how difficult and wonderful they have been. Today Little Z is 5 months old. He is the sweetest, most adorable baby. I love him to pieces! Having two little ones has proven to be a challenge though, more than I was expecting to say the least!
People told me it would be harder, but I guess I just didn't believe them. Over these past months I've realized that moms are amazing. Not like, "I'm a mom and I'm amazing." But moms in general. I say if you've got more than one kid and you haven't killed anyone yet -- AMAZING! No, but seriously, I don't know how you can truly appreciate what moms do if you've never had to do it. Not just having and raising kids, but keeping your emotions under control, loving unconditionally, dealing with tempers and tantrums -- from kids and spouses and the ones you have in your head, listening to the same questions over and over, saying the same things over and over, cleaning, cooking, making all the boo boo's go away, and the list goes on! Just thinking about it makes me want my mommy!
I know above all else I've needed my faith and family more than ever through having children. I've had to allow people to help and God to heal. I've had to take some long looks inside and decide who's more important, me or them. One of the scriptures that has helped me so much through this is Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." When I think about this in the context of family it rocks my world. It's easy to see this in a ministry setting, or even when thinking about work relations, or people less fortunate than you. But when you start thinking about your family this way it almost seems crazy!
Many moms will tell you they put themselves last on the list. They'll say things like "I never buy anything new because all the money's going to the kids," or "I wish I had a few minutes a day for myself," or "I don't even have time to take a shower!" But I don't think that's what this verse means. It's deeper than that. It means that at the core, in my heart, I believe that my husband, my children, my mom/dad/siblings are the most valuable people in my life. I take care of me so I can take care of them. I put on my prettiest face for my husband. I put on patience and love for my children. I put on understanding and help for my parents. I put on kindness and a listening ear for my siblings. You see it's not that I get to be "the real" me with them -- which, by the way, bothers me when we think that's the crazy person living inside of us, but that's a different story -- but it's about being the best me because that's how important they are.
I know this isn't easy or comfortable for the most part, but with practice and lots of prayer I know I have begun to feel like this is me. I am a kind and loving parent. I am beautiful and respectful wife. I honor and help my parents and love my siblings. Not always. Never perfectly. But intentionally and carefully. I am learning that if I can be unselfish and understanding at home, it becomes that much easier everywhere else.
*As a side note, while I'm writing this my almost-3-year-old is "juggling", which means he's basically throwing balls in the air and hitting everything breakable in the house, including me! Whose idea was it to buy him those juggling balls anyway!?!